Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
