His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
