I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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