I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
