i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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