Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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