my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
