just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
