Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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