smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
