Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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