i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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