she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
