There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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