I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
