I hate your face
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
