You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
