i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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