i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
