Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
