we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
People in love make me want to vomit
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
