Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
