oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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