Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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