does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
