Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm like, not good at living.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
