I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
