he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
