Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
