I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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