how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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