Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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