She said her name was "party"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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