Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
