Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
