dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
