you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Where did you get a picture of my penis
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
