You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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