took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
