I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
