Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
