First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
