I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
