If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
