I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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