i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
40s are totally the cure
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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