I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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