Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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