i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
