Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
