I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just forgot I was standing up.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
