Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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